Baby Lobster Chop Suey

Oh my, where do I even begin with this one? Alright, let's dive right in. So, you want to know about this mystical dish called "baby lobster chop suey" that's apparently being served in restaurants across the great USA.

First of all, let's start with the name. "Baby lobster chop suey" sounds like a dish that's trying to be fancy, but also a little bit awkward. Like, what even is a "baby lobster"? Are we talking about a lobster that's still in its infancy? Like, did it just come out of its shell and go straight into the frying pan? And what's with the "chop suey" part? Are we just throwing random Chinese words into the name to make it sound more exotic?

But I digress. Let's talk about the actual dish. So, apparently, baby lobster chop suey is a stir-fry dish that features – you guessed it – baby lobsters, along with some veggies and probably a bunch of random seasonings that nobody really understands. It's like someone took a look at a traditional lobster roll and thought, "You know what would be great? If we just chopped up the lobster into tiny pieces and threw it in a wok with some bell peppers and onions."

I mean, I'm sure it's delicious and all, but the thought of eating a bunch of baby lobsters that are barely bigger than a thumb just sounds kind of... odd. Like, are they even legal to eat? Didn't we sign some sort of international treaty that protects the rights of miniature crustaceans or something?

And don't even get me started on the texture. I mean, have you ever tried to chew on a lobster that's roughly the size of a pinky nail? It's like someone took a bunch of tiny little rubber bands and decided to serve them in a stir-fry. You'd need a microscope to even see the damn things!

Anyway, there you have it folks, baby lobster chop suey: the dish that's either a culinary masterpiece or a certified weird-fest, depending on who you ask. At least it's not as bad as that other American classic, "chicken lo mein," which roughly translates to "we have no idea what actual Chinese food tastes like, so here, have some fried noodles and chicken nuggets."

So go ahead, give baby lobster chop suey a try. Just don't say I didn't warn you when you're chewing on a mouthful of miniature lobster rubber bands. Bon appétit!